In Malaysia, it is common for the Malay bride’s fingers to be decorated with henna for her wedding. (Photo credit: mariefranceasia.com)

Malaysian weddings are diverse, unique and colourful affairs, as is to be expected in a country that is a melting pot of cultures and faiths. Generally speaking, wedding customs in Malaysia are determined based on the couple’s race, religion or both. As a large percentage of Malaysians are Malays, and given that Malaysia’s constitution provides that all Malays are to be Muslims, Malay weddings are typically steeped in Malay traditions and solemnised according to the tenets of Islam.

On the other hand, Chinese wedding customs are diverse as there are many different sub-ethnic groups such as the Cantonese, Hokkiens, Hakkas and Peranakan Cina (Baba Nyonyas). Coupled with the different religions practised by Malaysian Chinese, there are numerous options of wedding rites and customs to choose from. The Chinese wedding may or may not include religious aspects but traditional Chinese rites are usually observed. Chinese Christians may include a church ceremony as part of their wedding while those who are Buddhists or Taoists may include a blessing ceremony at the temple.

Malaysians of Indian descent usually opt for weddings based on their religion, whether it is Hinduism, Christianity, Buddhism or Islam, as well as the sub-ethnic group they belong to. Hindu Indians usually incorporate a blessing and solemnisation ceremony at the temple while Christian Indians normally include a church ceremony as part of their wedding.

The sheer number of possible permutations based on ethnicity, sub-ethnicity, religious beliefs and personal preference results in a variety of wedding customs unlike anywhere else in the world. Some of the most unique Malaysian weddings are interracial marriages which are a fusion of the cultures and customs of the happy couple, resulting in a one-of-a-kind wedding where love and respect matter more than faith, colour or race.

No matter what race or religion, these are the elements that are usually present when a Malaysian couple gets married.

1. Proposal
2. Engagement ceremony
3. Marriage registration
4. Religious rites to solemnise the union
5. Wedding rites
6. Wedding celebration

Muslim Weddings

Merisik

The Malay wedding usually starts off with the merisik ceremony (loosely translated as ‘to investigate’) when the groom’s family pay a visit to the potential bride’s family to state their intention of marriage. When both parties are happy with the potential union of the bride and groom, the next step takes place.

Meminang

Once both families have reached an agreement for marriage, representatives from the groom’s family visit the bride’s family to discuss the meminang (engagement) ceremony. During the visit, a number of matters are also discussed including:

• The date and time for the meminang ceremony
• The amount the groom will pay for the wedding expenses
• The gifts that will be exchanged
• The date and time of the wedding and reception

On the day of the meminang ceremony, the groom will bring a set of gifts (hantaran) for the bride which usually includes a gold or diamond ring, a betel leaf container with betel leaves, a set of new clothes, a shawl, fruits or foods, a handbag and a pair of shoes. These gifts, with the exception of the ring, are then presented to the bride on an odd number of trays. The ring is then placed on the bride’s finger by her older sister or the groom’s aunt.

She will then return the trays with gifts for her future husband which will include a songkok (traditional hat), a prayer mat and a set of clothes. During the ceremony, the bride and groom are represented by relatives, whom they have carefully selected, to determine the date for the akad nikah (wedding) ceremony.

Beautifully decorated hantaran for the bride that includes a Quran, shoes, clothes, toiletries and jewellery. Some hantaran may also include fruits, cakes and chocolates.

Akad Nikah

This is the spiritual aspect of the wedding ceremony and is usually performed by a religious official, who ensures that the marriage is consensual. At times, this ceremony may also be performed by the bride’s father in the presence of a religious official. Two official witnesses must also be present. Thereafter, a marriage certificate is issued by the religious representatives of the state, which is signed by the bride, the groom and both witnesses.

Bersanding

The bersanding ceremony is the highlight of the Malay wedding. On the day of the bersanding, the groom is not allowed to enter the bride’s house until she sends him a prepared betel leaf, which is a sign that she is ready for his arrival. The groom then makes his way to the bride’s house with his procession, including his female relatives and musicians playing various drums.

The arrival of the groom is followed by a pencak silat (traditional Malay martial arts) performance, which is a sign of welcome for the groom. After the performance, the bride and groom are seated on a decorated dais, very much like how a king and queen sit on their thrones. Hence, it is common for the wedded couple to be called “Raja Sehari” or “King for a Day”.

The couple are then blessed by members of both families with rose water, henna, sandalwood paste and rice flour paste. After receiving their blessings, the couple makes their way to the foyer or garden for the reception and to meet well-wishers.

The highlight of a Malay wedding is the bersanding ceremony where the bride and groom’s union is celebrated and blessed by all family members and friends.

Christian Weddings

A church wedding (Photo credit: MunKeat Studio)

A Christian wedding ceremony takes place in a church and is presided over by the priest or pastor. The ceremony starts with the bridal march where the bride walks in to the church on the arm of her father (or mother), preceded by her bridal procession. The bridal march is usually accompanied by music of the couple’s choice and the bridal procession may include ring bearers, flower girls, the maid of honour (usually someone who is married) and bridesmaids.

Introductory Rites

The priest or pastor starts by welcoming members of the congregation and then proceeds with a session of praise and worship. A short sharing or sermon usually follows and may include advice on how to have a meaningful marriage and how to walk the spiritual path together as a couple.

Solemnisation and Exchange of Rings

The priest or pastor presides over the solemnisation ceremony in the presence of the congregation and two witnesses. The couple exchange their vows which includes vows to be true to each other in good and bad times. The rings are then blessed and one is given to the groom to place on the bride’s finger. The other is given to the bride to place on the groom’s finger. While exchanging the rings, the couple declares their love and fidelity.

The exchange of rings is one of the highlights of a church wedding. (Photo credit: speechfoodie.com)

Recessional

The service continues with the concluding prayer and nuptial blessings for the couple’s well-being. After this, the bride and groom usually sign the marriage register and then proceed out of the church with their entourage. There may be a celebratory reception after the church service.

Chinese Buddhist Weddings

Buddhist weddings in Malaysia are normally associated with Chinese weddings although a Chinese wedding may not always be a Buddhist one. Couples usually register their marriage before the actual wedding and reception, which can be held at a later date. Weddings are a big deal in the Chinese community and couples go to great lengths in order to have a perfect wedding.

The Chinese wedding ceremony usually consists of two parts – the tea ceremony and the reception. Before the tea ceremony, the groom and his groomsmen make their way to the bride’s house. Upon arrival, the groom is not allowed in by the bridesmaids until his groomsmen perform some stunts or tricks while giving out traditional red packets of money (angpow) to the bridesmaids as a form of “payment” for the groom to get to the bride. Once the bridesmaids are happy with the payments, they will allow the groom into the bride’s room.

Tea Ceremony

The groom and the bride then make their way back to his house for the tea ceremony. During the tea ceremony, the couple serves tea to the groom’s parents, and then to the rest of the family beginning with the oldest member and ending with the youngest member. This usually applies to married relatives. After each person is served tea, the couple receives a red packet of money from them or jewellery.

When the couple has served tea to all the elders, they then take a seat for the younger, unmarried siblings and relatives to serve tea to them. After sipping the tea, the newlyweds will give an angpow to those who served them, denoting their new status as an elder. The bride and groom then return to the bride’s home for another tea ceremony with the bride’s parents and relatives.

The tea ceremony is one of the most important parts of a Malaysian Chinese wedding. (Photo credit: promessastudios.com)

Traditionally, the tea ceremony served as a marriage rite to validate the union. Prior to 1982, this customary marriage rite was sufficient to declare the union legal. However, after 1982, all marriages had to be registered with the National Registration Department to be considered legal.

After the tea ceremony, some couples visit the temple to pray for a blissful wedded life or to have a Buddhist wedding ceremony.

Kechara’s Marriage Ceremony

At Kechara House, the Buddhist marriage ceremony begins with the bride and groom being ushered to a private room where a Buddhist pastor performs their registration of marriage. After signing the marriage certificate, the couple recites vows composed by Kechara’s spiritual guide, H.E. the 25^th Tsem Rinpoche. They then exchange rings.

One of Kechara’s Buddhist pastors blessing the newlyweds.

After being pronounced husband and wife, the couple then goes to the main prayer hall where they are blessed by a pastor. The bride and groom can also offer candles and other items to the Buddhas such as incense, flowers, fruit, precious stones and monk robes.

To celebrate the marriage, a wedding reception or banquet is usually held after all rites and formalities are concluded. A typical Chinese wedding customarily includes loud toasts to the couple’s wedded bliss and a sumptuous nine-course banquet.

Chinese weddings in Malaysia usually end with a vibrant wedding banquet. (Photo credit: Kechara Oasis)

Hindu Weddings

There are 11 different Indian sub-ethnic groups in Malaysia with Tamils being the largest. As such, there is no single standard Hindu wedding. In general, a Hindu wedding in Malaysia will consist of these three important ceremonies.

1. Kanyadaan: Giving away of the bride
2. Panigrahana: A sacred fire ritual where the groom takes the hand of the bride as the sign of their union
3. Saptapadi: The most important ritual called the seven-step ritual, where each step corresponds to a vow the groom makes to the bride, and a vow the bride makes to the groom.

After Saptapadi, the couple officially becomes husband and wife in accordance with Hindu tradition.

The Hindu wedding is vibrant, colourful and full of religious rituals.

Graha Shanti, Mehendi and Bangles Ceremony

During this ceremony, the Hindu bride is beautifully dressed and adorned with haldi, a turmeric-based herbal paste believed to purify the body, mind and spirit in preparation for the wedding day. Haldi also signifies protection in some Indian communities.

Next, the bride’s hands and feet are adorned with henna designs in the Mehendi ceremony. It is believed that the deeper the colour of the henna, the deeper the couple’s love will be in the future.

The bride is then presented with a set of colourful jewellery and bangles by the groom’s family. The bangles are blessed by a priest during the Bangles Ceremony. A Ganesh puja is performed to invoke the blessings of Lord Ganesha so that he removes any obstacles that may arise during the marriage ceremony. Other pujas are also performed dedicated to the couple’s happy married life.

Arrival of the Groom

On the wedding day, the groom and his entourage arrive with plenty of fanfare and they are greeted by the bride’s family and friends. The groom is then anointed on the forehead with a tilak (a vermillion paste traditionally used during special occasions) and a garland of flowers is placed around his neck. Next, the bride walks in with her entourage and she joins the groom for the subsequent marriage rites.

Kanyadan

During the Kanyadan ceremony, the father of the bride places her hand on the groom’s hand, symbolising him giving her hand in marriage. The bride’s mother then pours water into the bride’s father’s hand, who is holding a gold coin to symbolise his daughter. The groom accepts the coin and then hands it to his parents as a sign of them welcoming her into their family.

The next ritual is the highlight of a Hindu wedding – tying the thali. The groom ties the thali, a gold necklace that has been blessed by a Hindu priest, around the bride’s neck as a symbol of eternal love. It marks the start of their life together as man and wife.

Panigrahana

The Panigrahana ritual, meaning clasping of the hand, originated from an ancient Vedic gesture of friendship. It reminds us that a marriage is, in essence, a special kind of friendship.

In this ritual, the groom holds the bride’s hands before taking a vow that he will be responsible for protecting and caring for her. This ceremony takes place in front of the sacred fire that symbolises knowledge and power.

Panigrahana or clasping of the hand signifies the groom’s vow to care for and protect the bride for as long as he lives.

Saptapadi

This ritual requires the couple to take seven steps around the sacred fire, led by the groom. As they walk around the sacred fire, the groom recites the seven marital vows:

1. To love and be faithful to each other
2. To treat each other’s families as their own
3. To share joys and sorrows
4. To care for children
5. To cherish each other and continuously strengthen their love
6. To support each other’s goals
7. To remain lifelong friends

Upon completion of the Panigrahana and Saptapadi rituals, the couple are now officially husband and wife. Family and friends then take turns to offer their blessings to the newlyweds in a ritual called ashirvad.

Baba Nyonya Weddings

In the olden days, the Baba Nyonya wedding was a very elaborate affair lasting 12 days. It is said that the status of a Baba family can be measured by how grand the family wedding is. These days however, the Baba Nyonya wedding has been condensed to a more modern and practical version that still retains its colourful and meaningful heritage, rites and customs.

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Sang Jit and Lap Chai

The pre-nuptial ceremony, Sang Jit, is the presentation of the birth certificates of both the bride and groom. This stems from the matchmaking tradition of yesteryears when it was imperative to find a good match in order to have a long and happy marriage. The pair’s Chinese date and time of birth are given to a qualified geomancer who will do some calculations and consult the Buku Pek Ji, which is Ba Zi, to ascertain if the pair is a good match. If they are, the Lap Chai ceremony follows.

The Lap Chai ceremony usually takes place a few days before the wedding. On this day, the groom together with his entourage will visit the bride’s family bearing gifts which includes two bottles of liquor, a set of jewellery, clothes, shoes, a pair of dragon and phoenix candles, Pek Kim (the dowry), Wang Tetek (a monetary token to the bride’s mother for breastfeeding her), wedding cakes and pork trotters (to denote the bride’s virginity). In return, the bride’s family reciprocates with gifts such as a pair of red candles, juices, clothes and some food items.

After the Lap Chai ceremony, both families gather at the couple’s new home to set up their bridal chamber. This ceremony is known as Ann Chng.

Cheo Thau

The most important ceremony in a Baba Nyonya wedding is Cheo Thau, also known as the hair-combing ceremony. This is a significant rite of passage marking the transition from a Nyonya girl to a woman ready for the next milestone of her life – marriage. This lengthy ceremony has many meaningful rituals beginning with Naik Sanggol (combing the hair into an elaborate wedding hairdo complete with exquisite adornments and jewellery) to the donning of the traditional seven–layer wedding costume.

Prior to the Cheo Thau ceremony, the bride’s family performs the Pasang Lilin which is a prayer ritual of lighting candles at an elaborate altar called the Sam Kai, complete with richly embroidered tablecloths, Chanab (offerings handmade from flowers and fruits), bowls of fresh fruit, sugarcane, dried fruit, red dates and rock sugar, all decorated with intricate Chinese red paper cuttings. Once everyone has offered prayers to the God of Heaven and the ancestors, the bride then kneels and pays homage (sohjah) to her parents as a mark of respect.

This ceremony is presided over by a Sang Kek Em, a mistress of ceremonies who is familiar with all the rituals. A black veil is placed over the bride’s face at the conclusion of Cheo Thau and she then sits to wait for her groom.

Chim Pang and Chia Sia

The groom and his representatives arrive in a grand procession complete with a band playing traditional wedding music and men carrying auspicious lanterns. The Chim Pang ceremony then follows where the couple meets for the first time and the groom proceeds to unveil the bride. The couple is then served tea and sweet dumplings (kueh ee), symbolising a sweet and lasting marriage.

Next, the Chia Sia ceremony takes place in the bride’s room with all the guests present. The purpose of this ceremony is for the guests to make the bride laugh. If they succeed in making her laugh uncontrollably, the groom will then have to pay for everyone’s dinner. After this, and to signify the end of the ceremony, a rooster and hen are released under the couple’s bed. If the rooster emerges first, it’s a sign that the couple’s firstborn will be a boy.

Sohjah Tiga Hari

Although traditionally performed on the third day of the wedding, these days the Sohjah Tiga Hari ceremony is performed on the wedding day itself. During this ceremony, the couple pays their respects to their parents and the elders of the family by serving sweet tea according to the family hierarchy. In return, they will be given a red packet with money.

Once this is concluded, the couple is officially man and wife and it is time for a wedding feast called Makan Tok Panjang. In the olden days, the wedding banquet, consisting of many delicacies, was usually served on long tables and in the Baba patois, tok panjang means “long table”. The wedding festivities continue with music, joget (traditional Baba Nyonya dance of Malay origins) and Dondang Sayang, an art form where poems are sung to the signature Dondang Sayang tune.

During Sohjah Tiga Hari, the couple kneels and serves tea to pay respects to all the elders. (Photo credit: chasingfooddreams.com)

Melaka Chetti Weddings

Buang Suara

A chetti wedding kicks off when a representative from the groom’s family visits the bride’s family to ask for her hand in marriage.

Sandanggu

Once the union has been agreed upon, the next ceremony – sandanggu – takes place. During this ceremony, the bride is covered in a turmeric paste and bathed. This symbolises her purity before she enters into marriage. Thereafter, she is dressed in a traditional baju kebaya and a decorative hairpiece known as cucuk sanggul is pinned on her bun to symbolise that she is now a woman and ready for marriage.

Once the bride is dressed, a Hindu priest and five married women take turns to bless her. They wave their hands around her while holding a number of objects – rose water, dried cow dung, a pot of water, rice, a pestle, bread, a local sweet cake known as putu piring and an oil lamp. Once the ceremony has concluded, the bride eats the putu piring.

Melaka Chetti wedding (Photo credit: nst.com.my)

Tukar Cincin

As the groom makes his way to the bride’s house for the engagement proper, he is accompanied by an entourage bearing seven trays on which are betel leaves, rose water, dried fragrant flower petals, rock sugar, a saree and bangles, jasmine flowers, fruits and an old coconut covered with turmeric.

The bride wears the saree that is presented to her and afterwards, the groom hands over the dowry (Duit Tetek) to the bride’s mother while gold jewellery is given to the bride. A Hindu priest usually presides over the ceremony. Once the bride and groom exchange rings, the ceremony is officially over. The newly-engaged couple then seek the blessings of the elders of both families.

Hantar Sirih Kuil

In the olden days, a pair of sirih pinang (betel nut set) were sent to family and friends as an invitation to the upcoming nuptials. These days, flower garlands, rose water, fruits, old coconuts, the wedding invitation card and sirih pinang are presented to the committee of the Chetti temple for blessings along with archanai or offerings made on behalf of the groom. After the blessings, wedding invitations are distributed to the bride and groom’s family and friends.

Naik Tiang

Prior to commencing any preparations for the wedding proper, a branch of the kalyana murunga, translated as “wedding tree”, is planted in front of the house.

Sembahyang Thali

The wedding thali is first bathed in milk and blessed by family members, along with the wedding clothes. A thali or mangalasutram is a necklace given by the groom to the bride carrying the same significance as a wedding ring. Once the prayers are completed, married women of the family help with the berinai — the couple get their fingertips and toes covered with freshly made henna paste.

Hari Kahwin

On the actual wedding day, the bride and groom walk from their respective homes to the temple, accompanied by family members, an entourage of musicians, kompang and bunga manggar. After a visit to the temple, the newly-weds join family, relatives and friends for a feast before being escorted back to the groom’s house.

Mandi Mandi

In the fun-filled mandi mandi, family members followed by the entire community present take turns to bathe the couple with air bunga (water scented with flowers). A Chetti wedding celebration is not complete without joget (a local folk dance) and Dondang Sayang, where impromptu verses of poetry are sung to traditional music.

Orang Asli Weddings

There are 18 different Orang Asli ethnic groups in Malaysia, each with its own unique language, lifestyle and customs. Marriage for the Orang Asli is a very casual affair and the wedding ceremony differs from tribe to tribe. Some groups do not even have a “formal” wedding ceremony as the couple is considered married once they start sleeping or living together.

These days, many Orang Asli have assimilated the wedding customs of other ethnic groups that live near their villages. Furthermore, with the introduction of Islam and Christianity, religious rites have replaced traditional animistic rituals.

Below are the wedding customs of the Semai tribe, the largest Orang Asli ethnic group in Peninsular Malaysia. For the Semai, the courtship and prenuptial rituals are just as significant as the actual wedding itself.

Although there are 18 different Orang Asli groups, each with unique wedding customs and rites, one of the common customs practised by most groups is the membentang belanja.

Mencari Jodoh

This is the stage where a young male Orang Asli of marrying age searches for a suitable lady as his life partner. The male Orang Asli travels to other villages to seek his bride. In the olden days, Orang Asli villages were far apart and it took four to six days to travel from one village to another on foot.

Once he finds a suitable candidate, he will spend the night at his future bride’s house. His presence and intentions are usually understood by the head of the bride’s family, who then proceeds to the next stage.

Pelawaan

At dusk, the father or head of the family will request his daughter to place a mat beside her bed. The potential groom will then be invited by the father to choose his resting place for the night. Should he wish to marry her, he will choose the mat or sleeping place set out by the potential bride. However, if he chooses not to marry her, he will opt to sleep in the living room.

Should there be more than one daughter of marrying age in the house, the father will have them all lay out mats at their respective beds and the young suitor will indicate his preference by sleeping on the mat laid out by the maiden of his choice. Once the couple has spent the night together, they are deemed husband and wife by the community.

It is common for couples to choose not to have any celebration or “formal” wedding and just continue to live as husband and wife with either the wife’s or husband’s family.

Merisik

Should there be a wedding ceremony, the pre-nuptials begin with merisik. During the merisik ceremony, both sets of parents discuss the wedding arrangements with the bride and groom.

Once they have reached an agreement, they will meet with the village head (Tuk Penghulu) to seek his blessings and request his agreement to preside over the wedding. The Tuk Penghulu will also give the bride and groom advice and guidance on married life.

Meminang

In this betrothal ceremony, the groom-to-be sends gifts to the bride-to-be, which includes her wedding attire (salin tiga), a dowry of RM60.25 (belanja tubuh), a head scarf (selendang), a silver ring (cincin perak) and a betel nut set (sirih pinang). The betel nut set is used during the wedding discussions.

Tanggung Nafkah

While they are engaged, it is customary for the groom-to-be to give his future wife an “allowance”, which can be cash (RM15 per month) or groceries sent directly to the bride’s home.

Bertunang

During the engagement period, the groom brings gifts that will be used during their wedding such as a set of bedding, a wedding gown and shoes. At this stage, the groom will also start preparing his own wedding attire which includes a black songkok (traditional Malay headgear), kain selempang dada/selendang (a sash-like cloth worn across the chest), and baju melayu (traditional formal attire for Malay men) complete with sampin and shoes.

Hari Perkahwinan

Before the bersanding ceremony, which is usually the highlight of the wedding, the couple undergoes many customary rituals to ward off unwanted bad luck that may jeopardise the wedding. These rituals include henna painting, a haircut for the groom, and a mandatory lime bath. During the preparation of the lime bath, protective spells to ward off misfortune are infused into the bath water through special rituals. Once these preliminary rites are completed, the couple puts on their wedding attire which includes traditional headgear made from nipah leaves.

Istiadat Berarak

This is the bridal procession where the groom and his entourage make their way to the bride’s home. Should the groom be the son of the village head, he will be carried on a sedan chair. A musical troupe accompanies the groom’s entourage and this colourful lively procession also includes poetry recitations (berbalas pantun).

Merenjis/Menabur

Traditionally, the top corner of the bride’s main door will be decorated with banana leaves. Upon his arrival, the groom performs the merenjis ritual before entering the bride’s home. He sprinkles some water on the banana leaves and tosses some rice puffs. The bride’s side of the family welcomes the groom by saying “Selamat datang” three times.

Memohon Tanda

The entrance to the bride’s room is draped with a curtain as a symbolic barrier. Before the groom is granted permission to see his bride, he must pass Mas Wali (the bride’s eldest representative) and his/her group. Mas Wali will first mohon tanda (request for signs) before admitting the groom into the bridal chamber. This may be in the form of pantun or Malay poems. Permission to enter is only granted after three rounds of mohon tanda.

Ibu Wali (the groom’s oldest representative) and his/her group then presents the groom with a keris (traditional Malay dagger) signifying that he is the correct groom. In a Semai tribal wedding, the couple’s parents rarely have significant ceremonial roles as these are the responsibility of the four oldest family members, usually the grandparents or grandparents’ siblings, who act as representatives (wali) of the bride and groom.

Bersanding

Once the curtain is drawn, the groom and his entourage make their way onto the wedding dais and the groom is seated on the right of the bride. The ceremonies of Istiadat Menyuap Nasi Kunyit/Nasi Damai, where the couple feed each other with turmeric-flavoured rice — their first official meal as a couple, and Makan Daun Sirih (chewing betel nuts) will then commence, witnessed by the bridal couple’s closest family members and representatives.

Menyembah

Lastly, the couple pays their respects to their parents, in-laws and other family members in the menyembah ceremony. Thereafter, it is customary to perform the ceremony known as membentang belanja dalam adat, where the dowry and monetary gifts are presented including:

• Belanja hangus (RM100) and belanja tambahan kenduri (an amount for the wedding banquet)
• Belanja tubuh 60 tengah 3, dalam adat atau kering which is essentially the dowry to the bride. Dalam adat means that half the dowry is presented while kering means that the full dowry is given.

During this ceremony, advice and guidance on married life is given to the newlyweds by the person presiding over the proceedings, usually the Tuk Penghulu. Once this is concluded, the couple is deemed husband and wife according to Semai customs.

The bride’s representative blessing the couple

Iban Weddings

Nanya Indu

The nanya indu or engagement ceremony is the first part of the Iban wedding, where the groom and his entourage usually enter the bride’s house with much fanfare and amidst tawak (gong beats) to ask her parents for her hand in marriage. This is done in the presence of his parents and her relatives.

Once the bride’s parents have given their consent, the two families discuss important matters such as the size of the wedding and where the couple will live after getting married.

A traditional Iban wedding (Photo credit: malaysia.my)

Melah Pinang

One of the most important ceremonies of the Iban wedding is the melah pinang, during which the bride and groom are dressed in traditional Iban garb. The groom wears a woven loincloth, an animal-skin vest, silver armlets, a belt and a woven hat of hornbill and pheasant feathers and goat fur. Meanwhile, the bride wears a woven skirt adorned with silver coins, tiny brass bells, a silver and rattan corset, a beaded collar, silver bangles, armlets and anklets. Her outfit is completed with a silver headpiece that is secured with silver hairpins.

The ceremony is carried out with the bride and groom seated on a gong and draped with a pua kumbu, a colourful ceremonial cloth. An Iban priest, known as the lemambang, blesses the couple by sacrificing a white rooster. This is followed by a blessing ceremony and the rooster is then placed on a receptacle as an offering.

Thereafter, the couple exchange pua kumbu and a woven skirt is gifted to the bride. To conclude the ceremony, a betel nut is placed on the pua kumbu and chopped in half. If one side faces up and the other faces down, it is a good omen.

An Iban couple is greeted by well-wishers at the end of their wedding ceremony. (Photo credit: Iban Warrior Facebook page)

Kadazan Weddings

Merisik

The Kadazan wedding starts with the merisik process where the parents of the groom visit the family of the bride. The groom’s father usually begins the conversation by saying that he has a son of marriageable age. He then proceeds to say that he would like to have his son married to the prospective bride.

Once the bride’s parents accept the proposal, they will visit the groom’s family to get to know the groom better and to gauge whether his family is able to afford the dowry. After this visit and once both parties agree for the couple to be wed, the groom’s family makes a second visit to the bride’s family to discuss the wedding preparations.

The dowry for the bride usually consists of 15 buffaloes, 10 brass cannons, 3 large Chinese jars and a brass gong. If the bride’s parents want more, then negotiations will take place. Once both parties have come to an agreement, they will discuss the terms of payment, whether the dowry will be paid in instalments or substituted with money for some objects. While everything else can be paid for with cash, two buffaloes cannot be substituted for cash.

A traditional Kazadan wedding

The Ceremony

On the day of their wedding, the couple sits in the middle of the house and they are served rice, which must be from a wok to symbolise that they will always have enough. Then, the bride and groom are each given a rice ball, which they must feed to each other. This act symbolises their unification as husband and wife.

Once this is done, the guests are then served from the communal work. The bride and groom are also given chicken drumsticks to eat as the groom is not allowed to eat the meat from the buffalo that was slaughtered for the feast for fear he will not be able to father children.

The day after the wedding, the groom takes his bride to his parents’ home where they will stay until they can afford to move out to their own house. Three months after the wedding, the groom visits his in-laws, bringing with him a pig which will be ceremoniously slaughtered and eaten by the whole family. This is to signify that they are now blood relatives.

The bride and groom feeding each other with rice balls, a symbol of their union as husband and wife.

References:

• https://www.planyourwedding.my/blog/a-guide-hindu-weddings-malaysia
• http://www.chasingfooddreams.com/2013/07/a-southern-peranakan-wedding-affair.html
• http://www.malaysia.my/article/culture/a_peranakan_affair/
• http://adatbudayapermata.blogspot.my/2009/03/adat-dan-budaya-orang-asli-siri-1.html
• http://www.malaysia.my/article/culture/a_longhouse_engagement/
• http://www.flyingdusun.com/004_Features/013_Kadazanwedding.htm

For more interesting information:

• 25 Mouthwatering Dishes Of Malaysia
• Celebrating Ullambana: The Original Hungry Ghost Festival
• Deepavali: The Festival of Lights
• Chinese New Year
• Hari Raya Aidilfitri
• Traditional Clothes of Malaysia
• The Dragon Boat Festival: A Fusion of Traditional and Modern Culture
• Wesak Day In Malaysia
• Thaipusam – The Festival of Lord Murugan
• Gawai Dayak – The Celebration of Bountiful Harvest
• Top 10 Spiritual Power Places in Malaysia
• Top 10 Island Holidays
• Top 10 Hill and Jungle Adventures in Malaysia

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